I don’t know who said that ladies don’t drink beer. I’m a lady; I love drinking beer. And wine. And hard liquor. One of my favorite verses? “Take a little wine for thy stomach’s sake.”
After having two glasses of beer one evening, I woke up at 2 am, feeling DESPERATELY sick. I mean I thought I would die with my arms wrapped around the toilet bowl. I know Jesus says come as you are, but I don’t intend to meet Him quite that way.
I dressed up and went to see a Nurse Practitioner. And I was prepared, y’all. I was prepared for her to tell me to be a vegan. I bought hummus in preparation of my GREAT TRANSITION. After having serious stomach issues for over 20 years, I was ready to kick this stomach thing for good. I mean, I was popping TUMS since I was at P.S./I.S. 308.
So I plastered a smile on my face, and got ready to say goodbye to bacon and every other food I hold dear. But then she said I had to cut out onions. Peppers. Anything with citrus.
The list kept getting worse. Tea (caffeinated). Chocolate. Alcohol. Coffee.
I was too shocked to respond in a thoughtful way. How can a person–a GRADUATE STUDENT–live without both ALCOHOL AND COFFEE?!?! My day starts with a french press. I grind the beans. The noise wakes me up. I occasionally work with a glass of wine by my side.
As a West Indian woman, I don’t know how I could possibly cook without onions, lime and vinegar. At the very least, I clean chicken with both lime and vinegar. I don’t even start cooking until I’ve pulled a perfectly purple red onion from my basket. Onions are in absolutely EVERYTHING. So is black pepper. And chili pepper! Even my flirtations with vegetarianism come with a helping of jalapeno peppers and onions.
I needed an audience for my despair, so I ran to my best friend’s house. She saw the distressed expression on my face.
“Tea or Coffee?” she asked, as she set the kettle to boil.
I wish I was such an awesome Christian that I slapped a smile on my face and thanked God for this challenge. But I’m not. I expect my life, and my health to be perfect. I sometimes confuse being a Christian with having a great life. This is especially embarrassing because I’ve been a Christian since I was 4 years old. So I know that my walk will come with trials and tribulations, and my faith will be tested.
Tomorrow, I will have to meet the Lord over sparkling water rather than my thick, rich French press. He knows I’m irritated. But the funny thing about God’s love is that it catches you where you are, it envelops you, and suddenly, it becomes easy to once again love the One who took away your coffee…
…and replaced it with this.