This morning, I was (temporarily) vision impaired, and of course, my carefully constructed plans went out of the window. I had a great time at the eye doctor–he happily handed me an article about James Joyce’s terrible eyesight after he realized I was getting a PhD in English. I entertained the other patients and the eye doctor’s assistant while I waited for my contacts by cracking bad jokes about New England.
“You’ll be sensitive to light,” the doctor told me. I didn’t believe him. My pupils had been dilated before, and I’ve always been fine.
I drove to Dunkin Donuts, and then…got stuck. I couldn’t see anything. I mean the light hurt so bad I was forced to put on the false sunglasses that made me look like Ray Charles.
…and no girl wants to look like Ray Charles, brilliant though he may be.
I couldn’t drive. Or read. Or do anything. I felt God smirking. I wanted to spend the day reading for the class I’m teaching in the fall, and work on my writing. But God had other plans for me.
So I let my best friend’s boyfriend pick me up from CVS; I went to breakfast with her at one of our favorite spots; we got pedicures while reading Vogue India; and then had tea.
Right before we had tea, I began to bounce ideas off of her for the syllabus I’m working on. Before I left, I had a solid idea and several texts I wanted to work with. Oddly enough, my goal for today was to figure out what I wanted to teach in the fall.
And in between a pedicure and tea, I suddenly figured everything out.
I walked back to my car and talked to God, amazed that He knew exactly what I needed. If I had my way, I would have been locked up in the library for hours, overwhelmed with too many books. (I usually joke that I want to teach a class called, “RJD’s favorite books”. Maybe in the distant future?)
But God blinded me in the doctor’s office, made sure I relaxed over a leisurely breakfast, pedicure, afternoon tea, and then revealed to me exactly what I should teach this fall.
This is what I learned today:
I’m not in this alone. If God really called me to this profession, He’s going to carry me through it.
When I let go and trust the Lord, it gives Him room to bless me abundantly.
I hate depending on strangers, or even friends, but I need to GET OVER MYSELF and accept help when I need it.
Even if that does make me feel like Blanche Dubois.
BTW– why and HOW is Marlon Brando so amazingly hot in A Streetcar Named Desire ?!?!?!