My best friend and I watched in horror as DJ Khaled proposed to Nicki Minaj in a seemingly heartfelt, 100 second video. I winced, uncomfortably, as he held up a box with a $500,000 ring to declare his love and his intention to take care of her.
Y. looked at me. “That would happen to you,” she said.
She was right. In fact, it already had, several times over. 2011 was the year of the terrible unexpected and unfortunate proposal. Imagine me on a first date, dressed up, ready to get to know the man in front of me.
Instead of trading funny stories about work, or even the “how I came to know Jesus” stories that are so famous for first date conversations amongst Christians, some men skip all that.
“I want to marry you,” one said, just after an offer to buy me Ciroc. “Can we get married?”
“I have money in an account for a ring, and for a house,” another man said.
“I want to wife you up,” was another one.
“If I ever win the lottery, I’m coming right to your front door. I need someone like you on my team.”
I am always flattered when a man expresses interest in me, especially when they think that they want to marry me. It’s awesome! You want to share an entire life with me! That’s amazing!
But when the flush of flattery fades, I realize the truth of these “proposals”.
None of these men actually loved me. They were being practical, and they liked the image that I projected. They didn’t really know me.
In each situation, I feel as though these men thought, “look, I need to get married, and she’s cute, she’s smart, and she knows how to cook, and she really loves the Lord.” There wasn’t even a glimpse of love there; just a cold practicality. In their minds, marriage was a transaction to be dealt with quickly, over dinner and drinks in an upscale restaurant, bar, or in one memorable occasion, in a Friendly’s.
I don’t know Nicki Minaj; I’m not a huge fan of hers, although I do think she is more brilliant than she lets on. But I do know this: I want her to marry a man she loves, a man she respects, and a man she wants to wake up next to each morning. Nicki must want the same things as well, because she has yet to reply to Khaled’s proposal.
And Drake is like…
DJ Khaled may be financially successful, but his proposal makes him the Mr. Collins of the rap industry.
In Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Collins is the creepy, annoying man who makes a terrible proposal to his cousin, Elizabeth. He assumes that she will never find another man better than him; she gets with Darcy, who has his own estate and is super wealthy.
DJ Khaled’s proposal seems sweet, but it is somewhat obnoxious: does he think that Nicki Minaj, who has her own fortune, can’t do better than him? Why skip to the proposal? Why not ask for a first date? I mean, shoot, even Mr. Collins had a dance with Lizzie before he proposed.
Jane Austen’s (somewhat satirical) words ring true for DJ Khaled and all men in his position:
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”
marry well (and good luck nicki!),