Martha’s Vineyard is, perhaps, the only place where one can make good friends during the course of a 10 minute bus ride. On the way to Oak Bluffs, I eagerly asked two lovely women what they wish they knew when they were my age.
“Men are stupid!” J. said, emphatically. “Doesn’t matter if they’re rich, poor, old, young, fat, or skinny. But you can’t let them know you think they’re stupid.”
Her friend M. chimed in. “They really are. And that’s why you always need to have your own life. Even when you’re married and have children. Keep a little bit of you for yourself. And always, ALWAYS stay close to your girls.”
“Not all of your girls will be real, mind you,” J interrupted. “But the real friends, well, they’ll be there for you no matter what happens. And you really need to hold on to them.”
Navigating friendships in my late twenties has been, in a word, challenging. 2 of my best friends live a 6 hour drive away in different directions. My friends here are busy writing dissertations and working several different jobs.
And like most twenty and thirty-somethings, when we do get together for dinner or drinks, it is after a series of complicated negotiations: there is usually only a sliver of overlapping free time between us. My closest friend here knows my schedule, and I know hers, so we carefully arrange teas and movie dates around our teaching and time with the men in our lives.
Today, I found myself surrounded by and in touch with amazing, beautiful, and strong women. In between discussions about our fears, insecurities, desires and dreams, we complimented each other on our dresses. This evening, the phone was hot on my ear as I continued to solidify new friendships. We complained about past loves, and the insane work schedules we’re subjected to. We had philosophical conversations about Jesus and about the children we want to have.
And yes, we even talked about hair.
In the midst of all of the talk about trifling ex-es and current love interests, I heard one thing: thank God for my friends. I have such good friends. I don’t know what I would do without my friends.
Because when everything hits the fan, and you’re tired of praying, and you don’t want to burden your family, your girls–your *real* girls, the ride or die girls, the hold your hair back girls, the fix your weave girls, the borrow your lipstick girls, the call your ex and tell him off girls–they’ll be right there with you.
be a good friend,