It was a weeknight, but that didn’t stop me from tripping out of the door in 6 inch heels to meet the man who was fast becoming my new boo. There was one problem: he was fine. As in FOINE. He was taller than me, even in my highest heels, with broad shoulders, a muscular frame, and skin slightly darker than my own. He walked like a man who knew the depths of his limitations but was still secure in himself. Is there anything hotter than that?
Gotta love Morris Chesnut!!! And obviously no, he is not the mystery man.
I got ready carefully, slipping into a dress that made me look like a Real Housewife in training. It showed off my curves and hid all of the problem areas. I looked absolutely perfect.
Then I took the dress off. I didn’t want to cause temptation. It sounds super lame, I know. I could feel the ghost of Marilyn Monroe shake her fingers at me, but I ignored her and put on an outfit that would make the Holy Ghost and most church mothers happy. I rocked a fun, printed tribal dress over skinny jeans. I was completely covered. I kept my heels, though. I’m sorry, but I don’t do grandma heels or flats. After all, there are limits.
I listened to Gospel music all the way to my favorite bar, and in my Mary Poppins-sized bag, I had a Bible, my headcovering, a copy of Practicing the Presence of God, and a Christian novel. I got there early so I could spend time praying. As a safety measure, my best friend knew I was going out with him. But I also texted another best friend and prayer partner a 911 please pray for me message.
I just didn’t want to be tempted to have sex, period.
Unsurprisingly, being a 29 year old virgin is difficult. First, we live in a culture that celebrates the act of sex, and oftentimes divorces it from love, and/or marriage. Sex is absolutely everywhere. Adult virgins are painfully aware that there are 15 year olds who know more about how to have sex than they do.
In the 21st century, there are so few courtship rituals in place to protect the purity of those who want to remain celibate until marriage.
And the Bible competes with a multiplicity of headlines that would lead one to believe that sex is no big deal. If one is to believe these headlines, if a woman doesn’t have sex with a man by the third date, he moves on. Another woman blogger wrote that women should just have sex on the first date. Even Christians are divided on the issue, as more report having sex before marriage. In 2011, a report stated that 80% of unmarried evangelical Christians between the ages of 18 and 29 have had premarital sex. http://www.christianpost.com/news/are-most-single-christians-in-america-having-sex-56680/
It can all look a tad hopeless. Especially if you, like me, are inching towards 30, want to get married and have children, but find yourself surrounded by men who don’t really love Jesus. Or who are weird. Or who don’t want to support you (emotionally OR financially). I could go on for days.
Under these circumstances, it could be easy to justify premarital sex. I could, quite easily, dismiss the promise I made to God. But I won’t. As a Christian, I believe that God made me, and He knows what’s best for me. So if He created sex for a married couple, I am going to wait.
From the sidelines, it seems like sex is pretty powerful. Shoot, even Rick Ross rapped, “Every time we f— her soul take a hold of me.” With the risk of sounding twee, I don’t want to share a part of myself with men I’m dating or even in a relationship with, because they haven’t earned the privilege. A few dinners, some gifts, rolling around in a late model foreign car, flashing money, are all nice, but they aren’t enough. I want to know if that man is going to be my partner in life. I want to know that that man is going to love God, and love me. I want to know that he’ll provide for his family. I want to know that he is willing to prove his love for me in front of God and all the people that we love in a marriage ceremony. I don’t want to be wifey. I want to be a wife.
And then we can have sex.
But right now, I’m single with fine men who persist in calling and, occasionally, writing me. (I’m a sucker for old-school gestures.) Staying a virgin is not easy. My friends tell me that I’m strong. I’m not. I have absolutely no confidence in myself–my confidence is in God to help me keep the promise I made Him.
Every time I go out on a date, I have to spiritually, mentally and emotionally prepare myself. I pray, make sure God wants me to go out with the guy who is asking me out. I tell my girls where I’m going and with whom. I ask them to pray for me. I make sure I have a plan for what time I’m going to get home. I don’t drink much alcohol when I’m out (if any at all). I let my date know what my boundaries are. If they don’t like it, they can bounce, and I’ll know they weren’t meant for me. I keep the cross before me.
I don’t especially like saying no to good looking men. However, I don’t want to share a part of myself that they weren’t meant to have. Whenever I say no to the man in front of me, I am saying yes to God’s plan for my life, and to my future husband. Besides, saying no now will hopefully help me to stay faithful to my husband once I do get married. I mean, the struggle with lust will never be over. So if I can say no now, the Lord will help me say no to men who will approach me after I get married.
All the magazines say if a girl doesn’t give it up on the third date, the man moves on.
I’ll just say this: they are absolutely wrong.