this year, i ended one of the most important relationships i have ever had. walking away from someone you love is never easy, but sometimes it is, indeed, for the best. in moving on, i’ve learned the depths of God’s love. i’ve learned the curves and angles of my flaws. i’ve learned that love is a gift to be appreciated moment by moment. i’ve learned that forgiveness happens in stages, and so does healing. i want to celebrate what we had as i move into the new year. below is one of my favorite poems by sandra cisneros, and another way for me to say goodbye.
One Last Poem for Richard
December 24th and we’re through again.
This time for good I know because I didn’t
throw you out — and anyway we waved.
No shoes. No angry doors.
We folded clothes and went
our separate ways.
You left behind that flannel shirt
of yours I liked but remembered to take
your toothbrush. Where are you tonight?
Richard, it’s Christmas Eve again
and old ghost come back home.
I’m sitting by the Christmas tree
wondering where did we go wrong.
Okay, we didn’t work, and all
memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.
But sometimes there were good times.
Love was good. I loved your crooked sleep
beside me and never dreamed afraid.
There should be stars for great wars
like ours. There ought to be awards
and plenty of champagne for the survivors.
After all the years of degradations,
the several holidays of failure,
there should be something
to commemorate the pain.
Someday we’ll forget that great Brazil disaster.
Till then, Richard, I wish you well.
I wish you love affairs and plenty of hot water,
and women kinder than I treated you.
I forget the reason, but I loved you once,
Maybe in this season, drunk
and sentimental, I’m willing to admit
a part of me, crazed and kamikaze,
ripe for anarchy, loves still.
— Sandra Cisneros