I anticipated the difficulty of dating in NY, where it is easy to believe that better is always around the corner. Everyone is looking for a better position, a better person, a better life. I decided not to even bother competing with women here–I don’t have money for mink fur lashes–and to get on my grind. I’m so happy being single that I started to wonder if God wanted to make my single status permanent. I mean, did God really want to put a ring on it?
I decided to worship God and carve a living for myself that would make me happy. Of course, there is nothing sexier than a woman at peace with herself and her circumstances. I chart the amount of interest I have received not to my looks, but to the joy I have in Christ.
The only problem? I keep meeting men who don’t love Jesus. And those are the ones who propose.
It’s not as if I go looking for them. I’m not on any dating websites. I don’t go out in the evenings very often. I dress in a way that pleases God and makes me happy–not really to appease the male gaze.
They find me. On the street, when I’m roaming absentmindedly into a coffeeshop to write, wearing a purple book bag, or when I’m talking on a janky phone to a friend, or when I’m out at a restaurant. They pursue me. But when I ask about their faith (I always do, regardless of my romantic interest), they never say they are Christians. They might be ‘spiritual’. They might ‘believe in God’. They may even say they were ‘raised in the church’. But they do not claim Christ.
“He that finds a wife finds a good thing” is often bandied about in discussions about Christian women and singleness. “Be not unequally yoked” is the other verse used. But lets be real: church benches are increasingly empty, or chock full of women, and a few married men. There is a lack of a courtship culture amongst Christians. Some relationship counselors–even Christian ones–are encouraging women to marry men who aren’t Christians to strangle the sensation of loneliness they feel on Saturday nights. And some of the Christian men one meets in church (or a place that is deemed ‘respectable’) do terrible things to women: play them, abuse them, confuse them.
Bishop Noel Jones is THEE worst! Stringing along this woman for 16 years?!?!?!
It is absolutely important to marry someone who shares your faith. I just wish I saw more Christian men pursue my awesome, pretty, fun single friends. I wish there was a culture that held Christian men accountable in their relationships, and in their dealings with women. I wish that Christian men would pursue and treat me with the respect I receive on a regular basis from men who don’t know Christ.
I’m happy being single, but some man out there is missing out on a ‘good thing.’
have a good weekend and be blessed y’all!